Solo Parent By Choice

Over the last year, I decided to pursue becoming a solo parent. There are so many ways to make a family. I’ve decided this is the option I want to pursue. I started by trying to find a clinic I felt would be supportive to my path, and hopefully, help me in my choice to create a family the solo way (as I never really wanted the ‘traditional’ option). On to my current efforts:

I spent a good amount of time considering every angle I could think of to work out if a) I wanted to be a parent and b) if I did, what path did I most want to try.

After research and a lot of thought, I decided I wanted to try becoming a solo parent. I had looked into foster care, but felt I would be more suitable for it if I owned my own home, so that’s still on the table for later. I know there’s always such a need for foster carers, but renting in Australia makes it a bit trickier, and really, if and when I foster, I’d love to be able to customise bedrooms just for that – where I could welcome siblings, perhaps.

I decided to pursue solo parenthood. I researched clinics and wound up choosing one interstate with a good reputation, and a donor bank you could view before you started paying for everything, which was important to me. I’d read a lot of forum posts about women who paid fees with a clinic and then found out there were so few donors, they might waiting over a year to get a donor they liked, even compromising.

From deciding to start to getting all the tests and counselling completed ahead of choosing a donor, I took about 4 months. I could have done it faster, but I wasn’t in a huge rush, as I used each step to check in with myself and make sure it was still what I wanted. Any future child is owed that consideration, surely. I want them to know they were loved, chosen and wanted from before day 1. After I’d done all that, it took me 3 months to find a donor I liked and be successful in requesting it. I bought one vial to start with. I’ve since checked and my donor has plenty of vials left, so I feel comfortable with my choice.

I chose a local donor, as I want my future child, if successful, to be able to more easily access them when they’re of age to, if they want to. I chose someone with a similar enough cultural heritage to me, so that I have the confidence to raise my child with my culture, and know they aren’t going to be missing any other part. I was lucky enough that the donor’s statement aligned quite well with my own personal values – self reliance, working to create your own life, fun and practical. I hope if I have a child, and they meet this donor, they will have a good chance at not feeling truly unfamiliar with them. Selecting a donor was the final check point and step before deciding when to try for my first IUI. Exciting!